I want to talk more about love bombing and other dangerous techniques abusers use to manipulate people. Love bombing is emotional and mental abuse and manipulation originally used by cult leaders to gain control over their followers. Love bombing is when the abuser bombs their victim with love to control to have power over, which feeds their ego. 

So how does love bombing work? 

Love bombing is a concentrated display of affection that may manifest as aggressive gift-giving, compliments, or other kinds of outward displays of care. With love bombing, The abuser may say how wonderful you are all the time and how much they love you, which is weird because they don’t even know you yet. They text you constantly and are in constant communication, which means they require a lot of attention. Simultaneously with the technique of love bombing, they’re also giving a lot of attention. It feels overwhelming and like you are being rushed into something, but it also feels super good because you are dropping dopamine. Love bombing feels both overwhelming and good. 

The love bomber persona is fake. 

As soon as the abuser has loved bombed you into believing like this fake love is real, the mask drops. You then meet the abuser abusing you mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, financially, and electronically. 

Trauma Bond

It’s embarrassing to be in a trauma bond to want love so bad that you will receive abuse. I’m an abuse survivor, and I know this well. And when people say, ‘well, I would’ve left, or ‘why didn’t you leave, it’s victim shaming, and it’s not helpful. The victim already feels terrible that they couldn’t leave; they’ve been abused. The victims are usually strong, powerful, successful people. I treat abuse survivors who are strong, intelligent, and amazing. The survivors I treat are both men and women, and the fact is that abusers usually prey on awesome people. They don’t want someone who doesn’t have a lot going on because they abuse you to break you down and use your resources.

If you are an abuse victim and have been in a trauma bond, there’s no shame in that.

Things that you can do to get your life back and heal. 

So what do you do if you realize you’re in this kind of relationship? You find a safe way to exit and heal yourself. Above all else, be safe as you exit. Terrible things can happen when the abused person tries to exit the relationship because that’s when the love bombing abuser has lost all control and they lose their mind. A safe exit is critical.

Going to therapy is important to figure out what is inside of you that would let you allow this kind of treatment over a long period. We often come from homes where we’ve been abandoned or neglected or trauma bonded to a parent who had similar behavior patterns, and we are used to those extremes. 

If you’re at the beginning of a relationship and someone’s coming on too strong, and you feel like it might be love bombing, you can talk to them and set some boundaries. Tell them to calm down and relax. If they’re like, ‘oh my gosh, I’m so sorry, we can do it any way you want, ‘ they are not narcissists or an abuser. However, you have to see if they can consistently respect and honor what you’re asking for and make sure it’s not an act because, you know, narcissists are charming. I talk more about narcissistic behavior on my Youtube, which you can watch here.